Almost four months ago our youngest son, Josiah, had a fourteen hour brain surgery to remove a large tumor from the center of his brain. The tumor was wrapped around a major artery in his brain. As a result the neurosurgeon was only able to remove approximately 97% of the tumor. Today we had our first follow-up MRI to check how his brain is healing from the surgery and to see if the tumor is growing back.
The MRI results were not exactly what we were hoping for. The tumor is growing. The neurosurgeon compared the results of today's MRI with the MRI taken immediately after surgery. Looking at the MRI it appears that the 3% of the original tumor has doubled in size. I would estimate his tumor to be about the size of a dime. As a result Josiah will begin chemotherapy in the near future. We do not have many details at this time, but will know more once we meet with the oncologist sometime in the next few days.
As I look back over these last four months, I have no doubt that God has been with us. Amy and I have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and prayers from family, friends, and even people we have never met praying on behalf of Josiah and our family. It still blows me away that thousands of people around the world have been praying on our behalf.
I have spent countless hours over the last few months trying to understand why. Why does my son, my perfect, innocent little boy have to suffer and go through this? I have often asked why can't I take his place. Why did God allow this to happen? I have prayed and sought God's wisdom and perspective with all I have. While I may never fully understand why, I may never completely see the big picture, or how God is using Josiah to glorify Him; I have never doubted God. As I was driving home tonight a song came on the radio that really hit home: One Thing Remains by Kristian Stanfill.
Verse 1:
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant in the trial and the change
One thing Remains (repeat)
Chorus:
Your love never fails, never gives up
Never runs out on me (3x)
Verse 2:
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains
Bridge:
In death, In life, I'm confident and
covered by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there's nothing that can
separate my heart from Your great love
Despite all that we have been through, despite all the questions left unanswered, despite all the trials that lie before us, one thing remains...God's love. And as tears streamed down my face tonight as I attempted to praise God while I drove home, I have never been more sure in my life that God's love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me. Tonight, just as it has so many other times during these last four months and throughout my life, God's love overwhelms and satisfies my soul. As I look at the long road ahead for Josiah and our family, I know that I never have to be afraid and that nothing can separate my heart from God's great love.
My question for you is, do you know God's love? Have you experienced his overwhelming and satisfying love? Do you have any fears or doubts? As I mentioned earlier, I may never completely understand why, but it has given me a greater understanding of God's great love for us, for you and me. As a father the hardest thing I have ever had to experience is to watch my son suffer, and to not be able to do anything about it. I am completely helpless in curing Josiah, and as a father I hate that I can't fix this for him. God has a son too. Knowing that we could do nothing to save ourselves from our sin, God offered his perfect son, Jesus, on our behalf. God watched his son suffer and die on a cross so that we could spend eternity with him. There is no greater love; of that I am sure.