FW: Church Humor

-----Original Message-----

From: "RON WILLIAMS" <RWILLIAMS@cbennett.net>
Sent: September 26, 2014 2:35 PM
To: "'revklaus@hotmail.com'" <revklaus@hotmail.com>
Subject: FW: Church Humor

 

 

From: Larry Williams [mailto:lwilliams@gpii.com]
Sent: Friday, September 26, 2014 2:30 PM
To: RON WILLIAMS
Subject: FW: Church Humor

 

 

 

                    Church Humor

 

LIFE AFTER DEATH

"DO YOU BELIEVE IN  LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES.

"YES, SIR," THE NEW  EMPLOYEE REPLIED.

"WELL, THEN, THAT  MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY  TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU!"

 

PALM SUNDAY

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IT WAS PALM SUNDAY  AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH  A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM  BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD  AS HE WALKED BY."

"WOULDN'T YOU KNOW  IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!"

 

CHILDREN'S  SERMON  

ONE EASTER SUNDAY  MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS  BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE  CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" "I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE !! "

 

SUPPORT A  FAMILY  

THE PROSPECTIVE  FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?"

THE SURPRISED  GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER.  THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES."

 

FIRST TIME  USHERS  

A LITTLE BOY IN  CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING  PLATES.

WHEN THEY CAME NEAR  HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY I'M UNDER FIVE."

 

CLIMB THE  WALLS  

"OH, I SURE AM HAPPY  TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW  MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US."

THE GRANDMOTHER WAS  CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED.

"I HEARD HIM TELL  MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY  ANSWERED.

 

THE WATER  PISTOL  

WHEN MY  THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED  A WATER PISTOL... HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK.

I WAS NOT SO PLEASED.  I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED  TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?"

MOM SMILED AND THEN  REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER!!"

 

GRANDMA'S  AGE  

LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED  HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS.

GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39  AND HOLDING."

JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A  MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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