Very funny Book Report on the Bible



-------- Original message --------
From: Pamb <pbueltmann@centurytel.net>
Date: 05/18/2015 3:28 PM (GMT-06:00)
To: Klaustermeier Jeremy <revklaus@hotmail.com>
Subject: Fw: Book Report

Pastor, I haven't read all of this, but thought it might be good entertainment sometime along the way in the hospital.  Pamb

 



 
 
  Subj: Childs report on the Bible
Book report on the entire Bible (ENJOY! !)

I am glad that I did not need to grade this paper. The young man has
real talent though. A little shaky on dates but good chronology. A
sixth grade child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
Here is what he wrote;

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing
but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,"The Lord thy God is
one," but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they
weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were
driven from the Garden of Eden ... Not sure what they were driven in
though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was
Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but
one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his
family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him,
but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than
his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for
some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud
sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton
Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil
Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them
His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance,
or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to
use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over
on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very
wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of
these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on
the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we 
don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of
The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had
been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close
the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, ''As a
matter of fact, I was.'')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the
Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums.The worst
one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible
vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to
some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put
Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for
Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He
went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His
return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

(Nothing bad will happen if you don't forward this, but if you do
forward this delightful story you'll make someone LAUGH today, and
they'll keep spreading the laughter by sending it on!!)
 
 
 
 
 
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Monday, May 18, 2015

DEVOTION: Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.  Proverbs 12:1
 
As most of you know, Cara is having surgery tomorrow.  She will be having her ribcage repaired by the doctor taking out the cartilage and repositioning the bones to where they should be.  Then he will put a titanium rod, maybe two, in place to keep the bones positioned correctly so that the cartilage grows back where it should. 
 
She will have a long road of recovery, but when she is done with it she will feel like a new person!  She will be able to breath better, since now her lungs are only at 80% capacity.  Her ribs and her back won't hurt her anymore.  It'll be wonderful..... if she follows the doctors instructions that is. 
 
She will have to wear a protective brace/covering every time she gets up out of bed for a long time.  I hate to even think about would happen if she didn't?  She could severely injure herself and ruin her recovery.  She isn't supposed to lift anything for a long time.  I hate to think of what would happen if she did.  She isn't supposed to run or do any sort of strenuous activity for a long time.  If she does it would probably mean another surgery.  Doing those things without the doctor's approval is just plain stupid. 
 
When people don't listen to those whoa re trying to tell them what is good for them and what they should do.  It's stupid.  When people are being corrected for something they have done wrong and they fail to heed the correction and go back to doing that stupid thing again. They're stupid!  When people, who know that worship is good for them, or that following Christ's commands to love and forgive are good things, or that they need to repent, and still they don't.  They're stupid!
 
And I, for one, am not afraid to tell you so!  People do it to me all the time, and I am thankful for it!  I love discipline and I know that it is good to listen to correction and follow it!  I pray that you do too!
 
Prayer:  Lord, help those who need to be corrected and disciplined to take it to heart and learn from it!  Amen.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
YESTERDAY'S QUIZ:  
What did Hiram King of Tyre do for Solomon? 2 Samuel 5:11   Hiram king of Tyre was a Phoenician king and the first to give the newly established King David  international recognition.  It was important to Hiram that he have good relations with the new king.  He sent to David cedar logs and carpenter and stonemasons to build a palace for David.

_______________________________________________________________________________
TODAY'S QUIZ: What did Solomon ask for when God told him to ask for anything he wanted?
__________________________________________________________________________________________
CALENDAR:
Mon- Family Night 5:30-7
Tues- Quilting 9-2; No Bible study
Wed- Ladies Aid noon; Praise Band 6; Choir 7
Fri- Last day of school (1/2 day)
Sat- Worship 5
Sun- Worship 8:30 and 11; Sunday school 9:45
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
WORSHIP WORKERS:  
Acolyte-  8:30- Dustin Toedebusch; 11- Kailyn Blechle
Ushers-  8:30- George, Gary, and Ben Hoelscher, and Brent Davis

Altar- Set up- Lucille Luebke; Clean Up- Lynn Russell and Elaine Schauer
Communion Assistants- Sat- Dave Winter; 8:30- Rich Talbert; 11- Steve Robine

Greeters- 8:30- Sharon Spoede; 11- Mike and Naomi Johnson
Lay readers- Sat- Kathy Fischer?? 8:30- Jacob Nagel  11- Steve Robine
Organist: Melissa Pedersen
Pianist- Kathy Barrow
Projectionists: Sat- Pam Bueltmann; 8:30- Kailyn Blechle; 11am- Hannah Johnson
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NEWS:
OUR FIRST BUILDING PLANNING COMMITTEE MEETING WILL BE NEXT WEDNESDAY, MAY 27 AT 7PM!
Elmer Wind with LCEF and Wind Architecture will be there to give direction and to help us to move forward and go in the right direction. 
 
Many signed up to attend and participate in this meeting yesterday, but all are welcome to attend to hear what he has to say and to understand the procedure we will be following for the future of the building program. 
 
Please let us know you are coming by replying to this email!  Thanks!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
ORGANIST NEEDED
Our current organist, Melissa Pedersen, has accepted a call to teach in Fort Dodge, Iowa being in August.  Therefore we will need a new FULL TIME organist by then.  If you know of anyone who is available every Sunday, please give me their name and number!  THANK YOU!
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
NURSERY HELPERS NEEDED FOR ONCE A MONTH DURING WORSHIP
Do you like little children?  Do you like to hold babies?  Do you want to help out our many young families that are joining church?   Here's your chance!
 
CURRENTLY FOR 11AM SERVICE I HAVE
Karla Christophene
Dawn Frye
Jayme Vessell
Nicky Sellman
 
(If I had one more for this service it would be excellent, especially when there are 5 Sundays in a month and when the person scheduled can't make it.)
 
If you'd like to do the 8:30 service or Saturday night, please let me know! 
 
You don't have to be a mom to do this.  You just have to love kids and be able to take care of them for an hour on Sunday morning.
 
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
 PASTOR IS BIKING ACROSS MISSOURI JUNE 21-26!
As much as I need to get in shape, this is more to raise money for www.leadachild.org.   If you'd like to donate to this most worthy cause, go to the website, click on the donate button, find the space that says "Lead a Child Bible club, enter your amount and enter my name.  Then you can pay by check, e-check, or credit/debit card.
 
Thank you for your support!
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
CALLING ALL BAKERS!!!
If you have never been involved in one of our church activities (and even if you have), here is a new challenge for you!!  There will be a cake/dessert booth at the carnival on September 12!  The carnival will be open from 11am until dusk!  Donations of baked good and workers to man the booth will be needed!!  Desserts needing refrigeration cannot be accepted.  Work shifts will be for two hours beginning at 10am and will go till closing time.  To eliminate many, many phone calls, a sign up sheet has been placed on the narthex where you can volunteer!! 
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
LITTLE LAMBS IS ENROLLING NOW FOR THE 2015-16 SCHOOL YEAR!!
Only a few spaces left!  Get those registrations in today!!  Get your registration forms from the preschool or from the church office.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
DO YOU HAVE A KROGER CARD?  ENROLL IT IN THE COMMUNITY REWARDS PROGRAM!!!
Register online and have it swiped each time you shop. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________
SAVE THE DATE!!!!  OUR FIRST ANNUAL FALL CARNIVAL WILL BE HELD SEPTEMBER 12, 2015!!!
We are looking for ideas for carnival games and also donations of carnival game prizes for the vent.  Please donate prizes into the cardboard box in the narthex.  Also, if any one has an idea for a carnival game, or a game itself they would like to donate please contact Joanna Hoelscher at 636-485-0635 or Karla Christophene at 314-397-1375.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PRAYER REQUESTS: 
For CARA KLAUSTERMEIER who will be having surgery tomorrow at Mercy in Creve Couer, to repair her sunken ribcage.  She will be in the hospital the rest of the week and will be at home for a month at least.
 
For MARV HENDERSHOT who is home and recovering after a brief hospitalization due to weakness and illness.
 
For BONNIE FRENZIA, who is hospitalized with a mass on her lung.
 
For the family of ROSETTA JONES who passed from death to life last Wednesday.
 

For OUR DCE INTERN, KELSEY OVERBECK, that the Lord's will is done concerning her call to a church to be a full time DCE.

 

For LIL WINTER who has gone home to recover after surgery

 

For MOLLY HENDERSHOT who is at home and recovering well.

 

For DAVE KOHRS who has stopped receiving chemo treatments and has placed himself on hospice care. .

 

For DAVE TINNIN'S MOM, JANE, as she continues to recover from several strokes and seizures.
 
For WILMA WEIGLE as she is having a lot of difficulty with congestion and possible pneumonia. .

For DENISE SCHLESSELMANN as she continues to work hard to bring the people of the Czech Republic to Christ. .
  


 


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The Lutheran Hour: May 17, 2015 "Without a Fight or a Prayer"



-------- Original message --------
From: Lutheran Hour Ministries <lh_min@lhm.org>
Date: 05/16/2015 9:15 PM (GMT-06:00)
To: revklaus@hotmail.com
Subject: The Lutheran Hour: May 17, 2015 "Without a Fight or a Prayer"

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The Lutheran Hour

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Email Us button greenSermon Text for May 17, 2015 

"Without a Fight or a Prayer" #82-37

Presented on The Lutheran Hour on May 17, 2015
By Rev. Gregory Seltz, Lutheran Hour Speaker
(Can the devil hear what you are thinking?)
Copyright 2015 Lutheran Hour Ministries

The Lutheran Hour audio button

 

 

Text: John 17:11-19

Jesus prayed, "Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one. 12 While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. ... 13 But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have my joy fulfilled in themselves. 14 I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 15 I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. ... 17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth." 

Christ is risen! Jesus is risen, indeed! And because He lives, we too will live eternally. Amen.

It was a theft that made history. It wasn't the most clever theft ever construed. In fact, it all happened pretty matter-of-factly, one might even say that the robbery was routine. But what made this theft unique was the fame that it created for the object that was stolen. Perhaps you've heard it: it's the Mona Lisa. It is said to be one of the most famous paintings in the world. Why? What makes her so popular?

Is it her enigmatic smile? Is it the mystery surrounding Mona Lisa's real identity? Is it the fact that she was painted by the most famous of Renaissance artists, Leonardo da Vinci? Well, yes to all of that. But the most important reason that she is famous today is because she was stolen!

The painting was stolen from the Louvre in France in 1911 when Italian handyman Vincenzo Peruggia simply walked out of the museum with the painting under his smock. The theft embarrassed the French government who ran the museum. It perplexed the French police who never really found the painting. And the loss of one of Leonardo Da Vinci's paintings captured the attention of the world. People who had never heard of it suddenly were drawn into the drama of Da Vinci's Mona Lisa gone missing. I'm sure that Peruggia never could have guessed that the two years he kept the Mona Lisa in a trunk in his home would be the very thing that made the painting the most recognizable painting on the planet. 

For the next two years, it was lost with no hope for recovery. The police and the museum had almost given up hope for its recovery, until Peruggia decided just to return it in 1913. That's why I think she's smiling; the painting was home; the drama, the intrigue, and the publicity surrounding the theft made the Mona Lisa one of the most recognized pieces of art in the world. 

Is the woman in the painting smiling or not? Whether she is or not, I personally think that she is because everything has worked out for her then, and is still working out for Mona Lisa today. She is no longer lost, but found. She is no longer stolen away; she's back where she belongs.

Today the Mona Lisa, covered by an 1 and a half inch of protective glass, is kept in the temperature-controlled, humidity controlled, high-security environment it needs. The museum today still faces the constant challenge of keeping her safe from robbers as well as other dangers like vandalism, bugs, humidity, and improper cleaning. A new theft of the painting today would be an even greater scandal. It's safe to say that the Louvre is taking all aspects of its security seriously, doing everything in its power to ensure that a fiasco like this never happens again.

That's what happens when something precious is lost or stolen! But, for all the fame of the Mona Lisa, for all the attention it draws, its theft in 1911 isn't by any means the most tragic loss the world could know, even if it hadn't been recovered. The world can survive the loss of a painting. Life can continue even if every treasure of history with artistic and cultural significance were to disappear, though the loss would be devastatingly sad. But, there is a loss that is more than we can truly bear. In fact, the greatest loss humanity has ever known, was a theft that separated the ultimate work of art from its creator. It's a theft that still impacts every person today. It took place on the day, when the first man and woman stole themselves away from God their Creator because of their rebellion and sin. It happened when Satan convinced them to turn their back on God's word of truth, to turn away from the One who gave them life, allowing death and the possibility of eternal death into their lives and the lives of every human being since. 

The book of Genesis tells of the grave circumstances. Humanity's self-inflicted heist broke God's heart. A work of art with eternal worth was stolen away from its loving Creator and was sold into sin, sold by succumbing to a cheap, deceptive trick. Every human being since has suffered because of that theft. Eternal life and joy has been stolen away. We're not sitting cozy in a trunk like the Mona Lisa; we're not lifelessly immune from our new predicament, but sinfully now vulnerable to sin, death, and Satan himself with no protection or power of our own. Even worse, there is a self-inflicted separation from God, the very God who created us for so much more.

The Bible clearly paints the picture, if you will, of humanity's problem, humanity's need. But just as clearly, the Bible says that God the Creator of us all, found a way to paint another picture, one of restoration, one of reconciliation, one of salvation for that which was lost. He had a plan to find you and me, a plan to win us back to be His people. God's promise of restoration and blessing would provide hope not only to Adam and Eve, but to generations of people across the ages, finally coming to fulfillment in the person and work of Jesus, the Christ. He was born to be the One who would rescue what was lost, who would heal what was broken, who would make life possible again for sinful people who are dead in their trespasses and sins. You might say it this way, "God won't let you go without a fight or a prayer." Why, because He loves you, He really, really does.

In the movie, "Taken," Liam Neeson plays a father who suddenly finds out that his daughter has been taken, kidnapped by a human trafficking ring. The thieves used the girls as prostitutes, even selling the really pretty ones to the highest bidder. Neeson, a CIA agent with tremendous tracking skills, warns the criminals. He says, "I'm coming to get her. I'm coming to get you." As you watch the movie, you see not just his skills, his abilities to find his lost daughter; you see his love for her. He won't stop until she is found, dead or alive. Incredible.

But that passion is nothing compared to the passion that we see in our text for today. In John, chapter 17, it is the night before Jesus would be crucified. But what is Jesus doing? Is He lamenting His predicament? No. Is He trying to find a way out? No. What is He doing? He's praying for His disciples then. He's praying for His disciples now. That's right, He's praying for you on the eve of His own crucifixion.

And, make no mistake, Jesus knows what lies ahead on the cross, but He knows even more what joy it will mean for His beloved creation. 

I love the Bible verse in Hebrews 12 where it talks about that joy that Jesus had in the face of the cross, that this Jesus, it says, is, "the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising its shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

He came to bring joy. He came to bring life. He came to bring God's love to you and me and that's why He lifts the disciples up, and lifts you up in prayer. 

Yes, on Good Friday's cross, Jesus would break into death itself, entering into death's dark prison so that He Himself would rip humanity back out from its bondage into the new life possible with God. 

Yes, on Easter Sunday, because of Jesus' work on the cross, the public proclamation of God's gracious forgiveness means that God's most precious treasure, you and me and all of sinful humanity, was reconciled, back into its rightful place with Him. In fact, right now, you my friend, by faith in Jesus, like the Mona Lisa, you too can be returned home to the One who loves you with an everlasting love. 

Jesus prayed, "Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one."

Now, in Jesus' prayer in John 17, we don't just see Him praying for your return home. He's also praying for your protection. He prays for resources for your faith, His Word, His Name. He prays for you knowing that there are still dangers surrounding God's work of art today.

Incredibly, God has a passion to find you even when you lost yourself, stole yourself away from His love and care. Indeed, God has a real love for you and for me, for all of us. Back to the Mona Lisa. It's hard to imagine the dedication of the French police for the task of finding the Mona Lisa. Amidst the ridicule and the pressure, they put almost every man they had on the force on the case. They worked diligently day after day after day. Can you imagine the hours and hours and hours that were spent searching for this painting that wasn't just stolen, it was lost and hidden away from the world, maybe never to be found again?

What if I told you, though, that God is searching for you right now with a passion that would put all of that to shame? You see, in our text we get a real glimpse of the love and grace of God in Jesus Christ. He didn't just come to show you the way of salvation. He came to earn it on your behalf. And He didn't just come to let you find out this good news, "He prays for you." He seeks to deliver that good news to you so that you might trust it for your life and salvation.

Listen again to Jesus when He prays for you. In fact, close your eyes right now and just listen to the very words that He speaks on your behalf. He says, "Holy Father, keep them in your name, the name which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one. While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them.......... I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one." 

On this night, He was praying for His disciples in particular, but He was also praying for you and for me, for all who would come to believe in Him by faith. 

That's the kind of Savior we believe in. He holds our life in trust. He doesn't just start us on the road of faith; He guards us, He protects us, and He will see that life of faith through to its eternal end. In His life and ministry He guarded the ones who were following Him, and on the cross He would fully restore them to their joyful place in God's kingdom. He comes to restore you, to guard you, to protect you too. Even for those who trust in Christ right now, there are still troubles and temptations; they're all around us. We still live in a broken, unsafe world, surrounded by dangers of all kinds. And so Jesus prayed then, He watches over us now.

Isn't that incredible to know, to believe? In the midst of the evils of this world, Jesus wants you to know this for yourself, to know that He loves you, that He cares for you, that He has your eternal best interests at heart. We can see the brokenness, the evil all around us. It can overwhelm us so easily. Jesus wants us to know and to never forget then our new identity in Him.

Your identity is a precious thing. Did you know that identities are one of the most popular targets of thieves today? They don't just want your stuff, they want you! The IRS, in fact, warned us to file earlier last month. Why, because thieves were targeting people who file taxes on April 15th to steal your returns! Or did you hear about the information theft from a popular insurance company last year? Hackers stole the names, dates of birth, member IDs, and Social Security numbers, addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, and employment information of 105 million people! That's a lot of people!

Imagine, though, the mess that is created when someone has your identity to do with as they will. Such a mess takes months to clean up. Believe me, I know, we had our identity stolen several years ago. It was months of frustration. Money lost, credit challenged, bill collectors coming for our bank accounts even though we didn't purchase any of the stuff they were talking about. I pray this never happens to you. I'm sorry if it has. You see how important our identities are?

Jesus prayed for us the night before His crucifixion because He knew He would succeed in His mission to rescue us, but He also knew that we would still live amidst the bombardments of trouble that could steal our joy and try to convince us that we are alone, unloved, and vulnerable. He wants us to never forget our true identities, children of God, created, redeemed, and restored to Him for eternity because of Jesus Christ our Savior.

God's truth prevails declaring you are not alone. You are His. In Christ, you are not unloved. You are God's precious treasure. Jesus' prayer uttered on the eve of His victory reminds us that we are not vulnerable without protection and power when we are His people. We are guarded closely in God's almighty Name given to us in our baptism. We are His treasure and nothing will separate us from Him. "Identity secure." Identity secure in the hands of the Savior who would pray for us even on the eve of His most horrifying night!

Martin Luther was not only a famous pastor and theologian who proclaimed this good news so clearly that a whole nation, a whole culture, was transformed; he was also a musician who put this powerful truth to music literally to be sung into our hearts. In his great hymn, "A Mighty Fortress," he writes:

God's Word forever shall abide, No thanks to foes, who fear it;
For God Himself fights by our side With weapons of the Spirit.
Were they to take our house, Goods, honor, child, or spouse,
Though life be wrenched away, They cannot win the day.
The Kingdom's ours forever!

That's a promise that is sure! Why, Jesus prayed for it, and literally died and rose again to make it possible. That's right, merely a day after this prayer, He would journey to the cross, face down Hell itself to fight for us so that the words of His prayer might be true for all who put their faith in Him.

So, was Mona Lisa smiling? I think so, because she now was back home where she belongs. You can smile an even bigger smile today, joyfully putting your trust in Jesus Christ, the One who makes home, and coming home to God, possible for you in His forgiveness and grace. That's His prayer, that's His offer. And He faced the cross and rose from the grave to make it possible for you, this very day even to eternity. God bless you. Amen. 




LUTHERAN HOUR MAILBOX (Questions & Answers) for May 17, 2015 
Topic: Can the devil hear what you are thinking?

ANNOUNCER: Can the devil hear what you are thinking? That'll be a listener's question today for Pastor Gregory Seltz. I'm Mark Eischer. Pastor, what do you think? Does the devil have that sort of power over us? 

SELTZ: Mark, that is a potent question. Let's see what God has to say about this in His Word, then. 

ANNOUNCER: Right, because when we fear things, we should go to God's Word and find reassurance.

SELTZ: Our listener is right in one sense. Satan is a scary being; the Bible says a fallen angel. So, the Bible warns us in 1 Peter 5:8, to "be of sober spirit, be on alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 

ANNOUNCER: Because he seeks our destruction.

SELTZ: That's for sure. And, he is much more powerful than we are. Angels in the Bible, both good and fallen ones, have tremendous power. They are spirit beings who operate within our world. So, Satan is not one to be trifled with.

ANNOUNCER: But wouldn't you say our listener is coming from the opposite direction? She's afraid of the power of Satan and she's taking him, maybe, very seriously.

SELTZ: I think you're right. She does. She isn't underestimating Satan's power. But, I do think that she is overestimating it too. As a created being, Satan does have limitations. He is not God. He is not omnipotent--all powerful, omniscient--all knowing, or any of the other "omnis" of God. So, there doesn't seem to be any biblical reason to believe that he can hear our thoughts or know our prayers. And, believers can be confident that he doesn't have unfettered access to them.

ANNOUNCER: And at the same time, let's remember there are also good angels who serve to protect God's people.

SELTZ: Absolutely. But there's even much more than that. God Himself gives people resources for their life and protection. The very Name of God is a powerful tool to calm our fears and keep the temptations of Satan at bay. In fact, that's one of the main reasons that God tells us not to take His Name in vain. He isn't merely saying "Don't curse or swear." He's saying more so to put His Name to work in your life and in your mind. Call out to Him in prayer by the power of His Name. Immerse yourself in His Word, the power of His Name offered there for you. Receive His Baptism, washed in His Name, as a gift that blesses and protects you each and every day.

ANNOUNCER: So, instead of us fearing Satan, perhaps he should be afraid of God's people putting God's Name to work in their lives.

SELTZ: I like that. I think you're right. Instead of worrying about whether or not he can hear our prayers, let's immerse ourselves even more in the blessing and protection of the Name of Jesus. Let's put that Word of God to work in our lives. Let's pray in the Name of Jesus, a Name at which Satan, himself, must bow, even flee. Let's respect his power for sure, but let's not be afraid. 

ANNOUNCER: In other words, stop playing defense, start playing offense?

SELTZ: Exactly. Let's put the power of prayer to work. Even if Satan could hear our prayer, it's more important to realize that God Himself hears our prayers. In fact, the Spirit of God takes our prayers and lifts them up too. With God's concern for you and me, with His capability to be everywhere for everyone, why be troubled whether a fallen angel can hear what we're up to.

ANNOUNCER: And as Scripture says, "If God is for us, who can stand against us."

SELTZ: What a powerful passage of peace and protection that is for all of us who put our trust in Christ. And when it comes to other kinds of questions about good angels or even the demonic realm, I think 1 John 4:1-4 says it well. It says, "Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world." Then he says this, "This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come into the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. That is the spirit of the antichrist, which" he says, "you have heard is coming and is even now already in the world."

ANNOUNCER: So, to sum things up; the things of Christ provide our best defense against the devil, and faith in Jesus can cast out our fears and concerns. 

SELTZ: It sure can, and that's what we should focus on, especially when troubled by Satan's capability or power in our lives.

ANNOUNCER: Very good. Thank you, Pastor Seltz. And we thank our listener for that interesting question. This has been a presentation of Lutheran Hour Ministries.



Music Selections for this program:

"A Mighty Fortress" arranged by Chris Bergmann. Used by permission.

"Christ Is the World's Redeemer" From The Concordia Organist (© 2009 Concordia Publishing House)

"Hear Us, Father, When We Pray" From The Concordia Organist (© 2009 Concordia Publishing House)

 

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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

DEVOTION:  He partitioned off twenty cubits at the rear of the temple with cedar boards from floor to ceiling to form within the temple an inner sanctuary, the Most Holy Place.  1 Kings 6:16
 
The Most Holy Place or The Holy of Holies, was a place only the high priest could enter and then only after he had made himself completely ceremonially and spiritually clean.  It showed the separation of God and men.  If anyone went into it unauthorized they would be put to death.  Before this, as the Israelites wandered through the wilderness they had a tent called the tabernacle.  It too had a Most Holy Place but only a thick curtain separated it.  After the temple was destroyed by the Babylonians and new temple was built and it too only had a thick curtain separating the Most Holy Place. 
 
On Good Friday, as Jesus died, there was a great earthquake.  The earth shook, the rocks split, and the temple curtain was torn completely in two from top to bottom exposing the Most Holy Place and signifying that there was no longer an separation between God and man, but that our perfect mediator had paid the price and won our entrance to meet and sit with God Almighty!
 
We are no longer separated by holiness.  Jesus has imputed his holiness on us.  We are not holy within ourselves or by our own doing, but since we have been baptized into Christ we have been clothed with Christ.  Therefore it is no longer we who live but Christ who lives in us.  REJOICE!!  We can go to God directly!  When we pray we can pray to Lord god Almighty.  A priest does not need to pray for us.  When we entreat God to forgive our sins, we don't need to purify ourselves first.  We don't need to bring a sacrifice.  Christ Jesus is our sacrifice whole and complete for us!  REJOICE!!
 
Let us pray:  Lord God, thank you for breaking down the wall that separates us from you by sending your son to be our mediator and our sacrifice!  We thank you for making us holy and complete so that we can come to you in confidence and know that you will hear us and do your will for us!  Amen.  

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
YESTERDAY'S QUIZ:  
 Who was Adonijah?
He was the 4th son of David and Haggith (2Sam 3:4). After the death of his elder brothers Amnon and Absalom, he became heir-apparent to the throne, but Solomon, a younger brother, was preferred to him. Adonijah, however, when his father was dying, caused himself to be proclaimed king. But the prophet Nathan and Bathsheba induced David to give orders that Solomon should immediately be proclaimed and admitted to the throne.
Adonijah fled and took refuge at the altar, receiving pardon for his conduct from Solomon on the condition that he showed himself "a worthy man" (1 Kings 1:5-53). He afterwards made a second attempt to gain the throne, by trying to marry David's last woman, Abishag from Shunem, but Solomon denied authorization for such an engagement, even though Bathsheba now pleaded on Adonijah's behalf. He was then put to death (1 Kings 2:13-25).
 
Thanks Pat and Dianne
 
______________________________________________________________________________
TODAY'S QUIZ: What did Hiram King of Tyre do for Solomon?
_________________________________________________________________________________
CALENDAR:
Wed- Little Lambs Graduation 4 year olds 6-7; Choir 7
Thurs- Little Lambs graduation 3 year olds 6-7; Baccalaureate service at high school 7pm
Fri- NO Bible study at the Hendershots
Sat- Worship 5
Sun- Worship 8:30 and 11; VOTER'S MEETING 9:45; Sunday school 9:45
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
WORSHIP WORKERS:  
Acolyte-  8:30- Dawn Sherman; 11- Hailey Blechle
Ushers-  8:30- Allan Dreyer, Lew Feldkamp, Kent Jacobsmeyer, Paul Klover

Altar- Set up- Don and Dianne Hance; Clean up- Terry McKenzie
Communion Assistants- Sat- Don Turnure; 8:30- Steve McDowell; 11- Jim Rahn

Greeters- 8:30- dave and Linda Callies; 11- Marv and Molly Hendershot
Lay readers- Sat- Marcia Sevier 8:30- Steve McDowell  11- Jim Rahn
Organist: Melissa Pedersen
Pianist- Kathy Barrow
Projectionists: Sat- ??????; 8:30- Terry McKenzie; 11am- ??????
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NEWS:
 
LITTLE LAMBS COULD USE ONE MORE CAKE AND PUNCH SERVER ON THURSDAY!! 
Little Lambs is in need of someone to serve cake and punch for the preschool graduations on Wednesday and Thursday from 6-7.   Please reply to this email or talk to one of the preschool teachers to volunteer!
 
Thank you Jodi Baldwin!
 
Please be there at 5:45 to get instructions. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NURSERY HELPERS NEEDED FOR ONCE A MONTH DURING WORSHIP
Do you like little children?  Do you like to hold babies?  Do you want to help out our many young families that are joining church?   Here's your chance!
 
CURRENTLY FOR 11AM SERVICE I HAVE
Karla Christophene
Dawn Frye
Jayme Vessell
Nicky Sellman
 
(If I had one more for this service it would be excellent, especially when there are 5 Sundays in a month and when the person scheduled can't make it.)
 
If you'd like to do the 8:30 service or Saturday night, please let me know! 
 
You don't have to be a mom to do this.  You just have to love kids and be able to take care of them for an hour on Sunday morning.
 
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
 PASTOR IS BIKING ACROSS MISSOURI JUNE 21-26!
As much as I need to get in shape, this is more to raise money for www.leadachild.org.   If you'd like to donate to this most worthy cause, go to the website, click on the donate button, find the space that says "Lead a Child Bible club, enter your amount and enter my name.  Then you can pay by check, e-check, or credit/debit card.
 
Thank you for your support!
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
CALLING ALL BAKERS!!!
If you have never been involved in one of our church activities (and even if you have), here is a new challenge for you!!  There will be a cake/dessert booth at the carnival on September 12!  The carnival will be open from 11am until dusk!  Donations of baked good and workers to man the booth will be needed!!  Desserts needing refrigeration cannot be accepted.  Work shifts will be for two hours beginning at 10am and will go till closing time.  To eliminate many, many phone calls, a sign up sheet has been placed on the narthex where you can volunteer!! 
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
LITTLE LAMBS IS ENROLLING NOW FOR THE 2015-16 SCHOOL YEAR!!
Only a few spaces left!  Get those registrations in today!!  Get your registration forms from the preschool or from the church office.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
DO YOU HAVE A KROGER CARD?  ENROLL IT IN THE COMMUNITY REWARDS PROGRAM!!!
Register online and have it swiped each time you shop. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________
SAVE THE DATE!!!!  OUR FIRST ANNUAL FALL CARNIVAL WILL BE HELD SEPTEMBER 12, 2015!!!
We are looking for ideas for carnival games and also donations of carnival game prizes for the vent.  Please donate prizes into the cardboard box in the narthex.  Also, if any one has an idea for a carnival game, or a game itself they would like to donate please contact Joanna Hoelscher at 636-485-0635 or Karla Christophene at 314-397-1375.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PRAYER REQUESTS: 
For MARV HENDERSHOT who is hospitalized and is receiving tests and treatment for an as yet unknown condition.
 
For BONNIE FRENZIA, who is hospitalized with severe weakness and fatigue.
 
For ROSETTA JONES who is in severely failing health and is near death. 
 
For MARILYN FOSTER who is recovering at home after a biopsy yesterday.
 
For CARA KLAUSTERMEIER who will be having major surgery to fix her ribcage.  It is sunken in on the left side and sticking out on the right and it makes it hard to breath. 
 

For OUR DCE INTERN, KELSEY OVERBECK, that the Lord's will is done concerning her call to a church to be a full time DCE.

 

For LIL WINTER as she has moved to DePaul Rehab hospital.  She will be having a procedure done today and then maybe get to go home this coming weekend.

 

For MOLLY HENDERSHOT who is at home and recovering well.

 

For DAVE KOHRS who has stopped receiving chemo treatments and has placed himself on hospice care. .

 

For DAVE TINNIN'S MOM, JANE, as she continues to recover from several strokes and seizures.
 
For WILMA WEIGLE as she is having a lot of difficulty with congestion and possible pneumonia. .

For DENISE SCHLESSELMANN as she continues to work hard to bring the people of the Czech Republic to Christ. .
  


 


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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Daily Devotions from Lutheran Hour Ministries
By Pastor Ken Klaus, Speaker Emeritus of The Lutheran Hour
Use these devotions in your newsletter and bulletin!  Used by permission; all rights reserved by the Int'l LLL (LHM). 

 

"Looking Good" 
May 12, 2015  
Daily Devotions Cemetery 6-15-13But He whom God raised up did not see corruption. Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this Man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by Him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the Law of Moses. Acts 13:37-39
"My, he looks good for his age."

That is a comment which may frequently be said by those folks in Russia who make the pilgrimage to see the body of Vladimir Lenin. This year marks 91 years since Lenin died and his soul went to wherever the souls of atheistic, communist leaders go.

Even so, Lenin looks pretty good for his age.

He ought to look good. Over the years there have been as many as 200 experts dedicated to making sure Lenin's body remains well preserved. Dedicated to that purpose they have used plastic as a replacement for parts of his skin and flesh; given him false eyelashes; replaced his fat with various molded chemicals, and re-embalmed him every other year or so.

They want people to visit the leader's corpse and say: "My, doesn't he look good for his age?"

What a total disparity there is between the dead corpse of the communist leader and the glorified body of our risen Redeemer. The truth is all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put Lenin back together again. Not only can't the experts breathe new life into his dead body, they are hard pressed to give even his cadaver a sense of timelessness.

In contrast to Lenin's decaying corpse, we have the living Lord Jesus Christ. Beaten, whipped, spit upon, crowned with thorns, and crucified, Jesus was murdered on a Roman cross. His lifeless body was placed into a borrowed tomb where it should have decayed and decomposed. That is what dead bodies have always done. It's what they still do today.

But Jesus' body was different.

Having resisted temptation and carried our sins to the cross, the body of God's innocent and only Son never saw corruption in that grave. On the contrary, three days after Jesus was declared "dead," in glorious resurrection victory, He came out of that tomb and showed to the world that death had been defeated and there was salvation for all who believe on Him as their Redeemer.

Shortly after Resurrection Sunday, Jesus -- in His glorified body -- entered the locked room where His disciples were and showed Himself. He said, "See My hands; and put out your hand, and place it in My side. Do not disbelieve, but believe" (see John 20:26-29).

Thomas' timeless response, "My Lord and my God!" is right and appropriate for all of us.

THE PRAYER: Dear Lord Jesus, I give thanks You have defeated death. Grant that the Holy Spirit may comfort those who mourn. May they look past death and grave to a reunion in heaven, which is made possible by Your life, death and resurrection. In Your Name. Amen.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________

YESTERDAY'S QUIZ:    What was the name of the virgin girl that became a servant to David in his old age? Abishag the Shunamite
_______________________________________________________________________________________
TODAY'S QUIZ:  Who was Adonijah?
______________________________________________________________________________
CALENDAR:
Tues- Quilting 9-2; Bible Study 11:30-12:15; Youth Meeting 6; Trustees 7
Wed- Little Lambs Graduation 4 year olds 6-7; Choir 7
Thurs- Little Lambs graduation 3 year olds 6-7; Baccalaureate service at high school 7pm
Fri- NO Bible study at the Hendershots
Sat- Worship 5
Sun- Worship 8:30 and 11; VOTER'S MEETING 9:45; Sunday school 9:45
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
WORSHIP WORKERS:  
Acolyte-  8:30- Dawn Sherman; 11- Hailey Blechle
Ushers-  8:30- Allan Dreyer, Lew Feldkamp, Kent Jacobsmeyer, Paul Klover

Altar- Set up- Don and Dianne Hance; Clean up- Terry McKenzie
Communion Assistants- Sat- Don Turnure; 8:30- Steve McDowell; 11- Jim Rahn

Greeters- 8:30- dave and Linda Callies; 11- Marv and Molly Hendershot
Lay readers- Sat- Marcia Sevier 8:30- Steve McDowell  11- Jim Rahn
Organist: Melissa Pedersen
Pianist- Kathy Barrow
Projectionists: Sat- ??????; 8:30- Terry McKenzie; 11am- ??????
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NEWS:
JR AND SR HI YOUTH MEETING TUESDAY AT 6PM!! 
All 6-12 grade youth please come to fill out paperwork for our servant event to Minnesota July 5-11 and to discuss and plan future events which include a glow in the dark Wiffle ball night and an outing to Six Flags!!. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
LITTLE LAMBS COULD USE ONE MORE CAKE AND PUNCH SERVER ON THURSDAY!! 
Little Lambs is in need of someone to serve cake and punch for the preschool graduations on Wednesday and Thursday from 6-7.   Please reply to this email or talk to one of the preschool teachers to volunteer!
 
Please be there at 5:45 to get instructions. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NURSERY HELPERS NEEDED FOR ONCE A MONTH DURING WORSHIP
Do you like little children?  Do you like to hold babies?  Do you want to help out our many young families that are joining church?   Here's your chance!
 
CURRENTLY FOR 11AM SERVICE I HAVE
Karla Christophene
Dawn Frye
Jayme Vessell
Nicky Sellman
 
(If I had one more for this service it would be excellent, especially when there are 5 Sundays in a month and when the person scheduled can't make it.)
 
If you'd like to do the 8:30 service or Saturday night, please let me know! 
 
You don't have to be a mom to do this.  You just have to love kids and be able to take care of them for an hour on Sunday morning.
 
______________________________________________________________________________________________________
 PASTOR IS BIKING ACROSS MISSOURI JUNE 21-26!
As much as I need to get in shape, this is more to raise money for www.leadachild.org.   If you'd like to donate to this most worthy cause, go to the website, click on the donate button, find the space that says "Lead a Child Bible club, enter your amount and enter my name.  Then you can pay by check, e-check, or credit/debit card.
 
Thank you for your support!
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
CALLING ALL BAKERS!!!
If you have never been involved in one of our church activities (and even if you have), here is a new challenge for you!!  There will be a cake/dessert booth at the carnival on September 12!  The carnival will be open from 11am until dusk!  Donations of baked good and workers to man the booth will be needed!!  Desserts needing refrigeration cannot be accepted.  Work shifts will be for two hours beginning at 10am and will go till closing time.  To eliminate many, many phone calls, a sign up sheet has been placed on the narthex where you can volunteer!! 
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
LITTLE LAMBS IS ENROLLING NOW FOR THE 2015-16 SCHOOL YEAR!!
Only a few spaces left!  Get those registrations in today!!  Get your registration forms from the preschool or from the church office.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
DO YOU HAVE A KROGER CARD?  ENROLL IT IN THE COMMUNITY REWARDS PROGRAM!!!
Register online and have it swiped each time you shop. 
________________________________________________________________________________________________
SAVE THE DATE!!!!  OUR FIRST ANNUAL FALL CARNIVAL WILL BE HELD SEPTEMBER 12, 2015!!!
We are looking for ideas for carnival games and also donations of carnival game prizes for the vent.  Please donate prizes into the cardboard box in the narthex.  Also, if any one has an idea for a carnival game, or a game itself they would like to donate please contact Joanna Hoelscher at 636-485-0635 or Karla Christophene at 314-397-1375.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PRAYER REQUESTS: 
For ROSETTA JONES who is in severely failing health and is near death. 
 
For MARILYN FOSTER as she is having a biopsy done TODAY.
 
For CARA KLAUSTERMEIER who will be having major surgery to fix her ribcage.  It is sunken in on the left side and sticking out on the right and it makes it hard to breath. 
 

For OUR DCE INTERN, KELSEY OVERBECK, that the Lord's will is done concerning her call to a church to be a full time DCE.

 

For LIL WINTER as she has moved to DePaul Rehab hospital.  She will be having a procedure done today and then maybe get to go home this coming weekend.

 

For MOLLY HENDERSHOT who is at home and recovering well.

 

For DAVE KOHRS who has stopped receiving chemo treatments and has placed himself on hospice care.

 

For BONNIE FRENZIA who is at home and continuing to recover. .

 

For DAVE TINNIN'S MOM, JANE, as she continues to recover from several strokes and seizures.
 
For WILMA WEIGLE as she is having a lot of difficulty with congestion and possible pneumonia. .

For DENISE SCHLESSELMANN as she continues to work hard to bring the people of the Czech Republic to Christ. .
  


 


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